Week No2

(I started this writing project for myself, straight from my soul to mind, no editing or trying to make it look good or correct. So, if you are all into the grammar thing, carry on with your life like I don't exist. This project is called 10 min a day.)

10 min a day 18/11/18 Sunday

Today I am officially announcing that I am weird. And I am happy about it. I don't want to feel bad about it anymore too. So, that's it. I have been called a childish and should act like an adult women, dress my age appropriate, brush my hair like this or like that, or wear a hat, so my hair doesn’t look messy when getting from point a to point b. It's enough now. You can call me childish, but I like to call myself a childlike. If you want to know what’s the difference, get Laura Jane’s Williams book Ice Cream for Breakfast, she explains it amazingly. All that I want to say is if I want to eat ice cream or chocolate before my breakfast, lunch or dinner, so what? I will have that and the main meal on top of it and a dessert afterwards. If I want to have a ponytail, I will have a ponytail, even if I am meeting queen herself, so what? And no, I do not want to wear a hat to keep my hair in one place. Ever ever again. I want to be free. Well, maybe sometimes when I feel so. But who cares? I go to bed early, I woke up early, I love naps. No, I adore naps, and if I have to choose between coffee with a friend and a nap, I will choose a nap and meet with my friend later. I love M&S lemon drizzle cake and I can have it for lunch with a cup of tea if I feel so. I even had it for breakfast, lunch and dinner in one day. And? So what, who cares? I start loving gin recently and start buying them whenever I am in the shop. I still haven’t drunk them but I will at some point. Also, my fridge has more champagne than milk. I only wear two brands of shoes, I read while I walk and driving crazy my friends because of it. But they are fine when they are on their phone and walking. Weird right? The whole world is weird and so what. Be weird, I don’t care. Let me be weird and you don’t care. Let just all be weird for a second or minute or a day or more or forever. Let's all embrace the little child in us and if you want dessert before your main meal, have it, please have it, I am giving you permission.

10 min a day 19/11/2018 Monday

The reason why I would like to work from home so much is only one. I want to bring my dogs here. I have two pugs back in Slovenia, and they are spending their senior years with my family (mum, dad, sisters and their kids), they have a good time. Sleeping in the same room as before I left and walking the same routes like before I left. For them, nothing changed it was just me who left. It was always planned to bring them here. Always.

But life gets on the way and the circumstances too. Do you know how difficult is to rent a property in London that allows you to have a pet? You can get away with cat but dog, no way. I don’t know how people have dogs here? What do they do? When they are about to rent a property, they say they don’t have a dog and once when they get the property they just bring them in? Like ups, did I not mention I have a dog. In my case, ups, I have two pugs.

Working from home would mean I could spend my time with them and still do the job I like from one location. Well at least one of them.

10 min a day 20/11/2018 Tuesday

I woke up or rather say I jumped from my sleep like crazy. Breathless. I was dreaming that some weird creature walked or more flew into my flat, opened my living room door and saw me in the bedroom. Once when I noticed it when our eyes met, in a second I was freezing, the creature flew fast and angry towards me grabbed me for me through and started squeezing my neck and screaming. The noise was ripping my ears. I tried to push it away, to free myself but I couldn’t touch it. Whenever I tried to push its hand away, my hand would just go through. It was like a ghost. It was a bloody ghost, a real one. I remember I was clenching my teeth so much and could not breathe.

I jumped from my sleep coughing and scared, try to get a breath, try to calm myself down. Once I got enough of air I realised how my teeth are sore. My whole mouth was hurting and my jaws. FFS, I forgot to wear my mouth guard again and the mouthguard goast or fairy was pissed off. Tomorrow night I will make sure to wear a bloody mouth hoard.

10 min a day Wednesday 21/11/2018

I had a chat with my colleague today and he mentioned a job opportunity that you can work from home and earn quite a decent amount of money. For just a few weeks of work every 6 months. We were both excited. End of the day we are millennials and we are after jobs where you can spend less time as possible but still earn good money. This makes me think a bit.

Good money, I mean money that you can pay your bills, rent, food, nice gym, go out twice a month for a restaurant meal and afford holidays, is entirely different for me than for you. What is good money for you? Even how much is good money varies from person to person.

My colleague said that money is the same like time. Money=time. It does make sense. Time is changing and I really think it’s only the question of time when more people will start working in two or three completely different part-time jobs. Emma Ganon called it Multi-hyphen method. So, for example, me, I have my full-time job, and over the weekend I have side “job”. I like both of my jobs. To be honest, I am happy to go to work everyMonday and I am happy to go from work every Thursday. And I am happy to work on my other job from Friday until Sunday. I am lucky because I have two wonderful combinations. I am never bored and it’s always something different. But if you ask me what is my dream dream dream job, it would be a writer. Funny right? This does not change the fact that I love being where I am at the moment in my life. A dental practice manager and photographer. I am delighted and grateful that I have, not only one, but two jobs that I love. And the third one will come too, at some point.

10 min a day Thursday 22/11/2018

I feel very happy today. I don’t know what is with me on Thursdays but I feel like giggling again for no reason. It happened to me last week too. Well, there is a reason for today's giggling, but I can’t say it. I had two partners in crime with this. So, just want to say, I feel so grateful for the people around me, for my amazing team at work and my family in Slovenia. I am so lucky. I am a lucky lady to have a few amazing stunning and remarkable friends next to me. Thank you so much, my dear Universe, for my soul sisters.

I know I changed my energy levels so much recently, like last month to be honest. I can sleep properly again, and I feel like I can really do what I want. I cut away lot of old things/people and trying to do what I really want. It is weird to try to listen only myself again. Little Mina is still there but slowly coming out. Its weird to hear your own voice again saying what to do. I can’t believe how I could shout it down so much. It is what it is, I learnt a lot, and I am so grateful. Every morning when I woke up in my bed I am so thankful. For my squeaky bed frame and my heaven (Dormeo mattress). It feels like I am on a different planet. It feels like I just arrived at the Mina’s Planet. And I would like to say only one thing, finally. It feels like a home finally. It's so peaceful. Welcome home dear Mina. Be happy and laugh. Dear Mina, you do you babe. You can do this. You were born to do this.

10 min a day Friday 23/11/2018

One of my photography lights exploded during the photo session. I wanted to cry because I have a Mini Christmas Photo session planned soon and I need these lights to work. The voice inside said, you should not be organising something like this because it’s just too much for you, so many people coming. Can you hear it? I got it straight away, it was my ego talking. I stopped. Yes, I could go to bed and cry myself, but the other, the gentle voice said, I did this photo session two years ago and I did it very well. Now I can do it again. It is what it is. That was my soul talking. I got dressed and went to check all the local shops for the light bulb. No one had it. My assistant dropped her work and ran to three different shops in central London to find the right one. She eventually found them, just a bit week voltage. I bought myself cashew nuts to celebrate her success.

10 min a day Saturday 24/11/2018

I had a chat with my friend after she cried her soul out. We were talking about why things happened and what are we doing wrong. So, I told her about my exploded light and how my ego said I shouldn’t organise this photo session. But my soul, little Mina inside me said, whatever lady, you did this two years ago and you can do it again. My point is, we all make mistakes but we learn from them. We all hope, we all fall, but we also lift. Can you recognise when your ego is pushing you down? And when is your soul whispering not give up? I said to her; you are meant to be first in a relationship, not the second. You were born to be loved and respected. When the man is right, you will know. When the love is right you will know, it will be easy. Simple. And even when it will be difficult it will be difficult easy, because you know what you are fighting for. The person who loves you doesn’t cut your wings. The person who loves you support you and lift you to fly. The person who loves you doesn’t ask if you are comfortable wearing something. The person who loves you doesn’t say to do this or that, because they know what is right for you. The person who loves you will let you do you and when you fall, if you fall, will be there to pick you up. The person who loves you will walk by your side, not behind or at the front. Together. I really believe that. If there is no such a person then at the end of the day, we at least know the person who are we sleeping with. I know the person who I am sleeping with will never ever hurt me as much as a wrong decision about who to love. The person I am sleeping with is me. You deserve to be loved I said to her. If he doesn’t see exclusive in you, he is wasting your time. If he did not put the ring on your finger but on hers, he is wasting your time. It’s nothing personal I said to her, he’s just not into you. It took me months to accept this. I even wrote down the flashback cards. You can laugh at me, but I really did. I still shuffle them. You are so strong, she says to me, but no I am not. I just choose me. We both need to step back, I said to her, say no to people who exhausted us. Say no to people who make feel small, partners or friends, who make us feel that our life is shit, who makes us feel that we are failing, who correct us when we talk. There is nothing wrong with us, we are just different. And that’s why we should say no. That’s why I said no. Stay with him, I said to her, but until when? You are wasting your time while you are connected to him. You will never meet anyone until this connection last. Our life is running away from us, days are passing, time is passing, should we waste our time for someone who makes us feel not good about ourselves? No. Simple, not personal at all, but just very clear no. It’s enough. I am calling my energy back. It’s enough of giving, I am taking my energy back now. Call your powers back, I say to her while she is crying like a rain. Call them back, you gave them away so easily but not freely. Call them back and own them, they are yours. Say no. I will say no for you. No. You are meant to be loved. You will be loved. You are loved. Embrace your inner love, you deserve it.