Week No1

(I started this writing project for myself, straight from my soul to mind, no editing or trying to make it to look good or correct. So, if you are all into the grammar thing, carry on with your life like I don't exist. This project is called 10 min a day.)

10 min a day 11/11/2018 Sunday

15.21

Let's try this. If I want to make a baby step towards what my soul wants, it would be: write a 10 minutes a day every day. The timer is set and I think I am wasting my seconds. I will write this how it is, no editing or thinking, just how it comes from my soul to the mind. Anyway, have no idea what to write. Maybe I could say how grateful I am for yesterday's workshop with Rebecca Campbell in London. It was all her idea, the main question was, what is the baby step towards reaching what your soul wants. I will try to deduct 10 min each day for this project and see what I can write.

I am grateful for today, it's Sunday and I am on my own. I thought I will be lonely but I am not, I just need to get used of feeling being alone. Listening music that I like, walking around in my underwear (that's not true, I walk around in my too big pjs, but I could walk around in my underwear if I really wanted), eating spaghetti bolognese that my friend cooked for me, bless her. Having Lemon Drizzle cake for dessert from my favourite M&S. I thought I would not be able to afford M&S once on my own, but hey I rather skip a meal than not buying a cake. How much you can even write in 10 minutes? It's an amazing autumn day in London, the sun is shining and I should be outside absorbing it, but instead, I decided to stay in. Having this massive headache, possibly because of yesterdays high energy at the workshop. It just feels right to stay in today, not to be sociable or to see anyone.

Need my energy to reconnect with me.

Need to breathe.

Need to close my eyes.

Need to stay in my comfy bed.

Need to wrap myself in my duvet.

Need to smile to myself.

Need to say thank you to the universe for letting me be here.

(10 min run out, timer beeped)

15.31

10 min a day 12/11/2018 Monday

21.25

The whole day I am having a headache, the whole day, from the moment I woke up until now when I am writing this. Well, to be honest, it started on Sunday morning after the workshop and it did not stop. It feels like am processing all information received on Saturday. When I had chat with my very close friend about it, she said its sound to her like a hangover. Except that I haven’t been drinking. Here and there a glass of gin. I never liked gin, but my sister bought me a Slovenian gin and I love it. Its called Monolog and you should try it if you ever get an opportunity. Other than fake hangover nothing happened today. I have been thinking a lot, so this could also be a reason for my feelings. It feels like something inside me cracked and opened and now I just need to let the light in. I need to balance it, there is nothing wrong with me. There was never something wrong with me, I am just being a difference. I want to stay different, I don’t want to fit in, I don’t want to dim in. I want me, I want to do things that I want. I know I deserve so much more and to get this, I have to get rid of old things. I mean energy wise. I want to keep this energy level, even so, its driving me a bit crazy.

(10 min run out, timer beeped)

21.35

10 min a day 13/11/18 Tuesday

20.10

She is giving birth.

He is there.

They are together.

She was in such a pain.

He was such a support.

It was morning already.

She gave birth.

He was there.

It was their child.

She was holding the baby.

He was standing above her.

She was so happy.

He was so happy.

It was their baby.

Made from their love.

She looks at him.

He kiss her.

I love you he says.

She knows.

Wtf, I think I just gave birth while talking with a friend. Except it wasn’t happening here and now, but there and then. Wtf? What was this?

(I waited for timer to run out)

20.20

10 min a day 14/11/18 Wednesday

19.55

After I proudly announced that I am the queen of procrastination my friend asked me what does procrastination even mean. In my words procrastination or procrastinating means a process of doing thing B while you suppose to do thing A and you trying to find a reasonable or unreasonable excuse why thing B has to be done before you start doing thing A. By the time you finally start doing what you supposed to, thing A, lots of time passed and means that now you are rushing to finish what you suppose to ages ago. Anyway.

For example: you have a day off and you planned to work on your blog but spend for hours in your bed scrolling through Instagram.

Or you suppose to read a book but you start cleaning the bathroom.

Or you suppose to cook but you end up washing your hair.

Or you suppose to clean the flat but you end up being in bed.

Or you need to edit the photos and you end up washing your clothes, clean the kitchen, bathroom and wash your hair and you are so tired and have a headache because of cleaning products, so there is no way to sit down and edit the photos. Get it?

Procrastination is not the same as laziness. Let’s make that clear straight away, the person who is procrastinating is not lazy. The Queen of Procrastination is just doing different things that don't need to be done at present, but at some point.

Here you go, now you know. Something like that. There is no cure for procrastination, there is no quick cure for sure. But I can just accept myself as I am. And you can do it too, it will help us both.

(timer beeped)

20.05

10 min a day 15/11/18 Thursday

20.30

I love apples. Well, I don’t really, but I can eat them and I do eat them. But did you ever tried to eat an apple after you have brushed your teeth? O my god, it’s so disgusting. Like so yuk. I think I feel happy today. I feel like everything is funny and I keep wanting to laugh. Nothing happened. Just feeling happy. Or maybe because I become a mother? Just joking.

(I waited for timer to run out)

20.40

10 min a day 16/11/18 Friday

18.11

This

was

never

what I wanted

but

it was his acts

and

my

decision.

(I waited for timer to run out)

18.21

10 min a day 17/11/18 Saturday

17.01

Went to the shop to buy a food. Came back with:

Vanilla vodka

Gin

Apples

Birthday card

Chocolate cake

White Roses

(I waited for timer to run out)

17.11